hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
