I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
