i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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