You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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