he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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