nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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