I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
