Dual....:-)
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
