I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
