O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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