I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Can Purell be used as lube?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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