Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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