I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
