how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
