hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
