So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
