I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
