a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
