come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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