dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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