All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
