I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
