Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
