Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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