Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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