The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
