May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
