why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
