I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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