The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
