No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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