someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
