"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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