I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
