my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
