Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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