It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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