Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
