If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
