i need an iv and a liver transplant
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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