Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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