you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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