All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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