and she was petting her beer can
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
