he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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