We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
