i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I smell stomach acid.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
