My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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