Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
