Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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