if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
