i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
