I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
it glows. i had to have it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
